Category Archives: children

Small Reflection

Posted on May 31, 2018 by Shades of Sky

The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome… Love after Love by Derek Walcott [continued at link] God has a … Continue reading →

Posted in children, faith, forgiveness, mental health, mental illness, ridicule, trust | Tagged anger, avoidant personality disorder, avpd, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Christianity, church, crying, derek walcott, emotional validation, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, faith, fear, God, group therapy, hope, imaginative contemplation, London, love after love, mental illness, parenting, peace, Personality disorder, prayer, rage, relationships, sad, therapeutic community, therapy, two:23, vulnerability | Leave a comment

Inside out

Posted on May 9, 2018 by Shades of Sky

The first time I went away from home, I was eleven. Eleven years-old is far too old to go away overnight for the first time. I wasn’t just going away overnight. I was going away for four nights, over a … Continue reading →

Posted in character, children, disability, mental health, mental illness | Tagged avoidant personality disorder, avpd, borderline personality disorder, bpd, crying, emotion, emotional stability, emotional validation, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, grounding, group therapy, home sickness, PGL, psychotherapy, resilience, sadness, tears, therapeutic community | 2 Comments

Voices around my head

Posted on October 24, 2017 by Shades of Sky

The voice in my head is unkind. When it is not telling me I would be better dead; that I deserve to die; it is running a live commentary on how rubbish I am. I shake my head violently in … Continue reading →

Posted in children, mental illness, reasoning, work | Tagged bpd, children’s work, eupd, God, Interview feedback, mental illness, relationships | 1 Comment

Playing pretend

Posted on September 4, 2017 by Shades of Sky

I have spent large swathes of the past week in tears. Starting with tears of exhaustion following another stupidly early morning, and failed job interview. Tears on the bus that managed to perturb the five year-old child sat in front … Continue reading →

Posted in children, church, faith, mental health, mental illness, prayer, work | Tagged academia, avoidant personality disorder, avpd, borderline personality disorder, bpd, Christianity, DBT, emotionally unstable personality disorder, employment, eupd, group therapy, prayer, pretend-mode, therapeutic community, work | Leave a comment

Sand, and sea, and symmetry

Posted on August 29, 2017 by Shades of Sky

I am trying to practise being more spontaneous. So, when my housemate said there was a union trip to the seaside, and I wasn’t already doing anything else, I thought, why not. It is a truth universally acknowledged that swimming … Continue reading →

Posted in character, children, disability, faith | Tagged balance, beach, body image, body-shaming, cerebral palsy, God, hemiplegia | 1 Comment

Garden of Trust

Posted on July 31, 2017 by Shades of Sky

You’d think that after 5 years, leaving Taizé would get easier. It doesn’t. It gets harder. The notes of a friend who, like me, journeyed to Taizé for the fifth time this year, returning to the UK a week … Continue reading →

Posted in character, children, church, disability, faith, mental health, mental illness, plans, prayer, trust, work, worship | Tagged borderline personality disorder, bpd, Christianity, church, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, pilgrimage of trust, prayer, Taize, trust in God, veneration of the cross | 2 Comments

Fury, me.

Posted on July 10, 2017 by Shades of Sky

Ten yo: Mummy, why is that lady walking like that? Mummy: She’s drunk. Stupid spastic Oi! Are you drunk? Spastic Spastic! SPASTIC! The voices encircle me. Up the road, on the road that I live on, in town, on my … Continue reading →

Posted in children, disability, mental health, mental illness, morality | Tagged adventure playground, anger, avoidant personality disorder, avpd, borderline personality disorder, cerebral palsy, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, hemiplegia, psychodrama, therapeutic community | 1 Comment

F is for Fail

Posted on June 26, 2017 by Shades of Sky

I can’t do this. Clearly. I’ve failed again this week to secure employment. The reason given for why – because I haven’t done enough publishing. But that’s because I have sent my writing to the interviewer and badgered and badgered … Continue reading →

Posted in children, mental health, mental illness, work | Tagged academia, avoidant personality disorder, avpd, borderline personality disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, mental health, stress, therapeutic community, work | 2 Comments

Tumbling

Posted on April 2, 2017 by Shades of Sky

Last Sunday night, I fall. I fall into a mire of suicide ideation and self-loathing. I have just been to visit my mother. Things appeared normal. If family life was normal, then I am bad, bad, bad, for seeking, let … Continue reading →

Posted in character, children, church, faith, mental health, reasoning | Tagged borderline personality disorder, bpd, coping with strong emotion, emotionally unstable personality disorder, eupd, glitter jar, Personality disorder, self-harm, therapeutic community | 2 Comments

Frenzied Chasm

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Shades of Sky

Rewind 15 years. I am 18, and about to sit my final school exams. Each weekday morning, I wake at 5am. I am working late, and not sleeping well. I have panic attacks in anticipation of the post arriving; university … Continue reading →

Posted in children, mental health, mental illness, trust | Tagged anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bpd, coping, mental illness, sadness, suicide | Leave a comment