Category Archives: church

Integral to existence

I should not exist. I think I may have said this before. Forgive me. I think about it often. I should not exist because had my older brother been born full-term, my conception would have been impossible. Or – I … Continue reading

Posted in church, faith, mental health, mental illness, prayer, trust, work, worship | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nada te turbe

I find chaos stressful. I like to know where things are, and what I’m doing. Although my mood sometimes falls below a threshold where I can be bothered with it, I like tidy. The uncertainty of the past few months … Continue reading

Posted in church, faith, mental health, mental illness, prayer, trust, work, worship | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Healing Steps

Be still for the power of the Lord Is moving in this place He comes to cleanse and heal To minister his grace No work too hard for him, in peace receive from him. Be still for the power of … Continue reading

Posted in church, faith, forgiveness, mental health, mental illness, prayer, trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Tumbling

Last Sunday night, I fall. I fall into a mire of suicide ideation and self-loathing. I have just been to visit my mother. Things appeared normal. If family life was normal, then I am bad, bad, bad, for seeking, let … Continue reading

Posted in character, children, church, faith, mental health, reasoning | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Struggle

I’ve said it again. Again, I have noted that I am struggling. I hear my voice saying it, over and over in TC meetings. Struggling to understand protocol, struggling emotionally, struggling to stay in the room; ironically, struggling to speak. … Continue reading

Posted in church, mental health, mental illness, prayer, trust | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Brittle

On Tuesday morning, I arrive promptly. Not arriving on time is not tolerated here; whatever state you are in, you have to be on time. I sit – calmly – zoned out. I have not slept last night, nor have … Continue reading

Posted in church, faith, mental health, mental illness, work | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Taize: The Desert Flower

When desertions, doubts, discouragements and the silences of God seem to cover everything, will you discern the desert flower? Frere Roger, And Your Deserts Shall  Flower, 1982 I am returned again from a week Taize, changed, refreshed, restored vis-a-vis the person who … Continue reading

Posted in character, church, disability, faith, forgiveness, mental health, mental illness, prayer, trust, work, worship | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment