Tag Archives: eupd

Integral to existence

I should not exist. I think I may have said this before. Forgive me. I think about it often. I should not exist because had my older brother been born full-term, my conception would have been impossible. Or – I … Continue reading

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Erasure

I am nine years old. S — is standing in front of me, with J— and B— beside her. J—‘s family don’t want to buy a copy of the school class photo’. That’s my fault, because it’s not a class … Continue reading

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Flux

Board games are good. And there are lots of them in this house. Although I have yet to discover what Fluxx is about. Flux is a good word for the past week. Everything was in transition; my housemate, his bail, … Continue reading

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Nada te turbe

I find chaos stressful. I like to know where things are, and what I’m doing. Although my mood sometimes falls below a threshold where I can be bothered with it, I like tidy. The uncertainty of the past few months … Continue reading

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Healing Steps

Be still for the power of the Lord Is moving in this place He comes to cleanse and heal To minister his grace No work too hard for him, in peace receive from him. Be still for the power of … Continue reading

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Mingled fears

I’m sorting things out. I’m going through files and books, not simply book-by-book or file-by-file, but leaf-by-leaf. I can’t take it all with me. And some of it, I wouldn’t even want to take with me. School GCSE and A … Continue reading

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Tumbling

Last Sunday night, I fall. I fall into a mire of suicide ideation and self-loathing. I have just been to visit my mother. Things appeared normal. If family life was normal, then I am bad, bad, bad, for seeking, let … Continue reading

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