Tag Archives: borderline personality disorder

Fury, me.

Ten yo: Mummy, why is that lady walking like that? Mummy: She’s drunk. Stupid spastic Oi! Are you drunk? Spastic Spastic! SPASTIC! The voices encircle me. Up the road, on the road that I live on, in town, on my … Continue reading

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Rewrite

Pathetic. And stupid and desperately disappointed. I was offered a job interview for today. Somewhere different. Somewhere I’d not be known, MH difficulties or otherwise. And I’ve turned it down. I’ve turned it down because it was a full-time job, … Continue reading

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F is for Fail

I can’t do this. Clearly. I’ve failed again this week to secure employment. The reason given for why – because I haven’t done enough publishing. But that’s because I have sent my writing to the interviewer and badgered and badgered … Continue reading

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Desolate

Since leaving T.C. last  week, I have been enveloped by a shroud of unrelenting, uninvited loneliness. Sadness. Alone-ness. It’s not because I’ve not had company. There has been tea and games, and sunshine and picnic and barbecue. There was fun … Continue reading

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Slipping through my fingers

I am slowly slipping beyond my own understanding. Irony is lost on me. I’ve broken my self-harm contract again. All week the voices were chanting that I should destroy myself completely. That I deserve to die. I resisted, and resisted, … Continue reading

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Human doing

We are human beings not human doings. I remember Steve Chalke preaching that at Baptist Congress, 2005, although I’m not sure the original phrase is attributable to him. I’ve called it to mind,  this week, as our church meeting voted … Continue reading

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Integral to existence

I should not exist. I think I may have said this before. Forgive me. I think about it often. I should not exist because had my older brother been born full-term, my conception would have been impossible. Or – I … Continue reading

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