Tag Archives: self-harm

Tumbling

Last Sunday night, I fall. I fall into a mire of suicide ideation and self-loathing. I have just been to visit my mother. Things appeared normal. If family life was normal, then I am bad, bad, bad, for seeking, let … Continue reading

Posted in character, children, church, faith, mental health, reasoning | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Eye of the Tiger

I’ve run through email, cleared my inbox, and scheduled the Department’s core social media output for the week. I met last week’s research goal, and feel ready to tackle the one set up for the week ahead. I feel calm. And then … Continue reading

Posted in character, mental health, mental illness, work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beside myself

This has not been an easy week. The trajectory of the week before has continued its spiral, plummetting ever further downwards. The tiredness does not abate no matter how much I sleep, oversleep, rest. Voices chant incessantly at me from … Continue reading

Posted in faith, mental health, plans, reasoning, trust, work | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Fulfilment of Being

And, Freeze! That’s what  she used to proclaim, suddenly, at us, in drama. Obediently, we would pause, statue-esque, awaiting her instruction. It’s a technique I use years later, running children’s parties. It engenders quiet. Still. Frozen in space is time … Continue reading

Posted in church, disability, mental illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Protected: Blood and Brokenness

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Posted in church, work | Tagged , , , ,

Shipwreck in a Bottle

I come back into the room. I am staring  determinedly through the floor, and my voice is shaking. I am trembling. I speak to explain that sharing emotion is dangerous and unwanted and makes people threaten to leave, before they turn … Continue reading

Posted in character, mental health | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cross Hatching

You might have been taught the technique, too. It’s one I learnt at school. Cross hatching  is when you draw lines, on top of one another, and in perpendicular directions from each other. It’s done to increase pencil shading and shadow in … Continue reading

Posted in church, forgiveness, mental health | Tagged , , | Leave a comment