As I cack-handedly gave the children’s address this morning, offering M and Ms (other sugar-coated chocolates are available) in an attempt to demonstrate that colour is inconsequential to taste, this is the slogan that was running amok in my mind. I didn’t use Skittles (they supposedly taste different) but the rainbow was there.
I put it there, in flag format. Asked why the rainbow flag might be used as a symbol of the Pride movement. To symbolise the love and diversity – which come from nature – and which can combine in beautiful ways to form Light.
God’s spirit will be poured out upon all people.
The M and Ms demonstration didn’t (strictly speaking) work. But, it wasn’t so easy to detect colour, as it was taste. And, no matter what we look like from the outside, we have the same need to meet with God (chocolate) on the inside. God, who can cope with all our differences (speak to us in multiple languages) and love us completely, no matter where we are spiritually, or on the LGBT+ rainbow.
Easy to say. So hard to believe. I went to Pride yesterday. And I marched beneath my church’s banner. And I looked up and smiled at people as we went past. And I have never done any of that before. I have chosen instead to abstain, or to hide on the field. Never to be out there.
But it felt good, and the sun was shining, and I felt like I was acceptable, and that I belonged. Now, that was yesterday. And old feelings of judgement from my University days, from Christian friends, who claimed that they would never judge, yet proved to be the most judgemental of all. Of feeling bad and twisted, and unacceptable.
Those feelings are so hard to push a way. I find it so hard to believe that I am loved in God’s eyes, as I am. I feel judgement. I feel undeserving; that I want to hide away. I am frightened of being part of the rainbow.