Flux

Board games are good. And there are lots of them in this house. Although I have yet to discover what Fluxx is about.

Flux is a good word for the past week. Everything was in transition; my housemate, his bail, myself, my belongings, my employment.

The cat is perturbed. Everyday a new arrangement of boxes, a fresh set of empty shelves to explore. But why? She puts her head on one side and meows her curiosity. Licks her lips in anxiety. What will disappear next?

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And indeed, what? I can’t reassure the cat this time, because I don’t know either. Housemate’s bail is extended by a month. He knows now what he is likely to be charged with. But, he is around for a month. When he is charged, quite what of our friendship will disappear is uncertain.

As my contract fades to its end, how I may next be employed is unknown. I visit schools, to introduce Zorba, the alien pupil, think about re-training. I wanted to be a teacher once. And I kind of am. A life as a Teaching Assistant, its simple joy, appeals. But I can’t live on a part-time Teaching Assistant wage for long.

I am forced to live day-by-day. Worrying beyond then is futile. For now, I have moved, by the grace of  some truly wonderful friends, into  a safe, dry place to live, and friendly folk to live with. I am making my way through therapy. These things are relatively more certain. God is certain. But what God will do, what will happen to me, is not. The flux is frightening.

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One Response to Flux

  1. Love and prayers as always…

    …and looking forward to seeing you in a couple of week’s time. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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