“I’m rubbish” “No one likes spending time with me. They just put up with it” “Nobody likes me. They like what I do sometimes, but they don’t like me.” “I’m brimful of anger and spite and hate” “I can’t do relationships” “I hurt people.” “I made my mother’s life so difficult.” “I’m a burden on others. That’s all. Burden”. “I should never have been born”. “You are precious and beloved in God’s sight” What if God doesn’t exist?
My mind has turned against me. It tells me these things over, and over, and over again. Even when I try hard to concentrate on other stuff. Stuff I should be doing, but that I can’t do anymore.
“Because I’m rubbish”
It’s constant. Like a broken record, that I can’t turn off. All the bad memories are flooding back, and I am slowly drowning in them. I’m flailing against the waves. Swimming through them day in, day out, exhausted. Why is this happening, God? How do I make them stop? Please, God, make them stop.