Having had what would count as a fairly distressing week, including the breaking of what must have been over six months of no self-harm, the positive that I can say is that I have re-discovered is assurance in written prayer.
I have what might loosely be termed a prayer diary (since not all prayers I pray are written and since prior to this week, the most recent entry was seven months ago). In it, I write, in cipher (to prevent easy re-reading and re-absorbing) in prayer, when I am in pain. Doing so is costly emotionally, and usually avoided until I can bear no more.
But this week I took said prayer diary to a cafe, and sat, and wrote, concentrating as much on forming the words, as their content. And now I feel heard, and calmer, and more like I can cope.
Prayer shouldn’t be a last resort. Still slowly learning that lesson.