Back to the beach

45 Immediately Jesus made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. 46 After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray.

47 Later that night, the boat was in the middle of the lake, and he was alone on land. 48 He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake. He was about to pass by them, 49 but when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, 50 because they all saw him and were terrified.

Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 51 Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down.

Mark 6 v 45-51 (NIV)

Thus started Sacred Space earlier this evening. As it was read, helped by calming music, I imagined myself into the story, with the disciples, watching Jesus coming towards them.

Then, moving to different prayer stations around the Chapel, I tried to do as suggested at each of them. But I didn’t feel like I was in prayer. More just acting as if I was. I could only really hear myself calling me names, “rubbish”, “rebel”,  “useless”. Until the last prayer station invited me to give all that I am to God. And I realized how overwhelmed  I am by what God has asked of  me in the coming months . I was brought to tears.

I could hear the waves in the music around me. Remembered Jesus at the lakeside, and on the water.

And He said to me, “Go back to the beach”.

I moved, and sat with Jesus, at the lakeside, as He asked me to do. Sat in inner silence. Calmed. It is Jesus who is with me.  He spoke my name and I felt safe and held.

“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Then he climbed into the boat with them, and the wind died down.

Realizing that Jesus is in the same boat as me meant that the fear died down. It’ll be OK.

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