A lot has happened since I last posted. I’ve moved, am renting a different house, and have a different job. Sure, I was expecting to move at the end of my PhD. But I wasn’t expecting to end up where I am now. I applied for a research grant, and really felt that God wanted me to be on that grant. I didn’t get the grant.
What I did get was a different job, in a different place, that I applied for to practise my interview skills. Not what I expected at all. Questions. So many questions. But – I took the opportunity of a fresh start with faith, and went to as many ‘Christian’ things as I could. I felt good. Till a Late Service stopped me in my tracks:
I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. (Hosea 6 v 6, NLT)
I’ve written about that verse before. But this time it meant something different. There was no real point in doing all of these ‘Christian’ things for their own sake, or for mine. They needed to be done for God. Sacrificing my time meant nothing, if it was not hand-in-hand with wanting to know God.
So I am choosing Christian activities carefully. Most important of these, I feel, is that I am going to share my personal journey with a former minister of mine (coincidence that I’ve ended up in the place he lives and worked….I think not). I feel I am moving towards Christ. I’m not comfortable, or incredibly happy with myself right now, but I feel that this is necessary, and that it will bring happiness and fulfilment in Christ in the long-term.