Not for Myself

I am so lethargic. As I sit at my desk, if I closed my eyes, I would fall asleep. I couldn’t be bothered to go to bed on time last night. Or to get into work ‘on time’ this morning. I can’t be bothered to do my work, or to look after myself.

I don’t see the point. Sure, not bothering has a negative effect on my mood (and the state of my flat and PhD) – but no more than I deserve. It’s my fault I feel this way.

I, I, I; me, me, me. I can’t be bothered to do these things for me. I’m not worth it.

I have struggled over the past few weeks to get on an even keel with things, to look after myself. But I’ve failed. Maybe I’ve failed because I have the wrong perspective. I’m trying to make me better.

Maybe, I need to do these things for God instead. Because God gave me the flat and the PhD and me to look after, to serve Him.

So, I’m going to try a change of perspective. Am going to try my best with these things, not for my sake, but for His, with greater awareness of Him. And see what happens. …

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