Jesus, I feel like crying. I’ve had a really hard day. My research studywent live today, so I’ve been anxiously watching for responses to it. And trying to make sure that it is tweeted and Facebook-ed about wherever possible. Whilst delivering four hours of seminars and seeing to all my other teaching duties.
The survey is about Beatbullying‘s online march. I joined the march, too. I wanted to ages ago, but didn’t want to muck up the study in doing so. But, as my partner pointed out, it only messes up the study if I fill in the survey, too. So I joined in, created an avatar with green skin and antennae, and watched as the avatar people marched across all different websites. It was mesmerizing. And it felt so cool to be part of something so big.
But then Facebook asked me why I was marching. I started thinking about what happened to me. What is happening to me. And that brought me tumbling down. All I do when I think about it is feel like crying. I can’t cry over it.
And then this evening, there was a bug in the survey that I couldn’t work out how to fix, and I had to sort it quickly because otherwise I might start losing responses. But there are hardly any responses, even now.
Jesus, today has shown me that I can’t do this. I’m tired out with the stress and emotion. But You can do it. Help me to trust my survey to You. To stop worrying about it, what will happen, that I won’t get enough data. It’s pointless to worry. Please show me how I can work through what happens/ed to me. Hold me tight when I do. I need You so much.