I am struggling at the moment with trying to understand how I feel about myself. For many years, I have had very low self-esteem. In fact, I have no self-esteem. I know that some others esteem me highly, because I have tangible evidence of that, but I know myself, and consider myself utter rubbish.
I consider myself ‘chief of sinners’ (see 1 Timothy 1 v. 15). My partner says this is objectively ridiculous; I am not a bad person. I know, and the Bible confirms that I am. Not a day goes by when I am without sin. It’s OK, because Jesus came into the world to save sinners.
There is something I struggle with, in light of the above. I have been asked to read Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, which I am working through, as my self-esteem is apparently unhealthily low. But how can a Christian’s self-esteem be high? Everything we do wrong is due to our sinful nature; everything we do right, is done by God’s grace, and should be brought back to Him (the opposite of primary teaching, where children should be berated for naughty behaviours, and praised as good little children when they do well).
The question then is this: Is it ungodly to try and increase my self-esteem?